Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You kitty bloggers is making mama cry

Mama is so happy to see that you remembered Miss Simone's Purrthday! Miss Simone is sure getting old...she was old as dirt, now she is older than dirt. She turned 17 last month. And she is crazier than ever. She's taken up residence in the laundry room because she's forgetting to use her box like a normal kitty and she's still getting her stupid baths. The staff needs to keep their eyes on her 24/7 cuz there is no telling what she might do!

I haven't been blogging, but I have loved your encouragement. There just was nothing happening to me. My imprisonment continues. I only get to on supervised walks around the prison, ehm, back yard once a day, on a good day. Now I can't even go into the bedrooms and sleep on Mama's bed because everyone's allergies are acting up and I'm "too furry." Whatever. I'm gorgeous and you know it. Life just isn't exciting when a man-cat is limited to one floor and the rest of beans have a whole house and world outside to explore!

My latest news is my big adventure. I am visiting my cousin-cats, Princess and Jack. Mama is watching them while their Mama (Mama's cousin) is visiting the grate state of Virginia. I thought I'd come along for the ride, since I was going a bit stir crazy. My cousins are not being the best hosts. Princess is just being a girl. What do you expect? I live with two of them so I understand and don't take the hissing personally. Jack-Man, though, I thought he'd be cool. It's just taking some time for him to warm up to me. I hope that we can have some real man-cat fun by the end of the week. Mama said that no kitty would play with me if I kept hiding under the bed (not hiding, I told her...staking out the territory and planning my attack strategies for when Jack decides to play with me. Mamas don't understand.)

Here's ME, then Jack is the one on the right with the gorgeous tail like me and Princess is the pouty one on the left. Mama tells me she's sweet, but I haven't seen that side of her yet.

Me 'n Jack, our first attempt at playing

They live on the first floor and have a balcony with a view of all the interesting things going in the 'partment complex. What I want to know is, Why can't I go to the beach? I can smell the fresh beach-y air calling me and Jack told me that kitties can't go to the beach unless we know how to play volleyball. Hmmm... what's volleyball?

Is it me or is Jack checkin' out the night?

I gotta go because Mama wants to watch the debate. Silly. I already know who I am voting for and so does she. Maybe Jack and Princess are swing voters?

I will try to get back to blogging and catching up with you. Mama has just been busy and I've had no life.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Peach "Britney Spears" Man Cat, or How I Ended Up in Psychiatric Lockdown for Life

Here's the story of how I became a "Lifer". I can never, ever, go outside again. I think it's a pretty harsh sentence. But maybe Mama isn't serious and I'll just have pay my Lenten penance and in less than 40 days, I'll be free again. (Scout is giving up football and Simone is giving up baths, so I'm giving up going outside, maybe).

According to the lying, conniving neighbors, I am a violent criminal who needs to be taken off the streets.
You all know I am not a violent criminal. I didn't even get a fair trial. That proves my earlier point about the election. No equal rights for cats.

My alleged crimes: 3 counts of breaking and entering, 2 counts of terrorism and attempted assault, 4 counts of vandalism
I am accused of entering the neighbors' house via the old doggie door and beating up the two indoor cats. When they closed the doggie door. I ripped up 2 screen doors and 2 window screens trying to get back in the house and scare the cats. This occurred over a period of months until they finally caught me and called Mama. She came and got me and marched me straight home. Then went back to talk to the neighbors. She says I am very lucky that she didn't have to pay for the damages. Otherwise... Well, I don't know what "otherwise." She would have taken me to the pound?! Yeah right. She loves me so much she can't stand it.

Obviously, I didn't do it. I didn't want to scare the cats. I wanted to play with them. And even if I did do it, they had it coming. Maybe the coyote ripped up the screens or a possum or a raccoon. Just because the screens looked like exact replicas of my box, doesn't mean I did it. Just because there was white fur in the house, doesn't mean it was mine. I demand DNA testing! Where are the CCSIs?

Now I have to stay inside for life. The neighbors want to replace their screens and Mama can't vouch for my actions. So she's keeping me inside. I have been so depressed. I have days where I don't even get up for breakfast in the morning and mope around all day. My life is over!!

Mama says that Aunt Nancy's vet knows of medicines to help me. I am not always aggressive. I'm not mean. I never hiss at anybody or use my claws in a fight. I'm just persistent. I get really hyper and can't control myself. Then I get really depressed and can't move or eat. Maybe there is better living through chemistry for me. All I know is, that I understand how Britney feels.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Fat Tuesday!

It's FAT TUESDAY and SUPER TUESDAY! Since I'm a California kitty I get celebrate both. Although we are all still deaf from all the screaming that went on Sunday we are ready for more partying. We love a party! And if it means more treats....

I voted too! SEE:
Here's my, I'm proud to be a voter face.
And here's my, "What do you mean my vote doesn't count face?"
And finally, I realized, that the country is going to $^&%*^* in a handbasket so I might as well resign myself. No one ever considers cats' rights do they?
Whew! I was such an emotional morning! But now I'm proudly wearing my voting sticker AND my carnival costume, so the day should be better all around. And Mama's in a good mood because she finally got to vote for real for the first time since she was 18. She didn't have to send her ballot in from some foreign country like Germany or Austria or New York. She got to punch out her ballot, chads and all.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Getting ready for the BIG GAME!

WE are ready! Scout is preparing her chair. I've got my "box" seat just like I want it. Simone says, "Can't we just have a tea party?"

It's a tragedy that our SAINTS didn't make it...but we will have a fun day no matter what! Chili for lunch, yum. Oh, wait, I'm not allowed to eat beef because I don't clean my litterbox. Well, I can beg anyway.

I just wanted to post that great picture once more (and it's also good for celebrating MARDI GRAS):

P.S. Everybody, we are just fine. Nobody died or got sick or anything. We are just having major staffing problems. I told Scout we should hire a temp, but she couldn't get off her chair long enough to look for applicants. We had a good Christmas with lots of presents and treats, rang in the New Year with costumes, Jimmy Joe's mama, Auntie Anne, came to see me because she missed me so, and Scout turned 14 on January 17. The biggest news of all is that now I have to be an indoor kitty for the REST OF MY LIFE. It is a travesty. I'm innocent. I didn't do what they said I did. But, I'll blog about that later. Now I want to get back on the blogosphere and catch up with all my long-lost friends.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Sick Day

We've been gone a while (more than a month!), but we'z back now. Not that anything 'specially good or bad happened. We just was too busy havin' fun.

Today I have a post appropriate for the SEASON. The FLU SEASON, that is. (Ha, everykitty thought I meant Christmas season.)

We are asking an important question about essential kitty duties: What is your purrsonality when it comes to taking care of sick beans?

Here's what happened to us:
On Monday night, Grandma and Mama started barfing. But when they barf, they don't feel better, they feel worse. I don't get it. Barfing always makes you feel better. Worse things happened. Then before we knew it, they were in bed and wouldn't get out. Here's how we took control of the situation (cuz you all know male-beans is useless).

Scout is indifferent. She doesn't do sick people. She's afraid of going into the bedroom and won't stick around to comfort a sickie if her life depends upon it. Pretty much this is what she did the whole time. Oh, and she grumbled that routines were messed up because Grandpa doesn't do things right.

Simone is the nursemaid. She has to make the rounds and check in on everyone at regular intervals. She won't stay long though, because she's got a lot to do. Two sick people to take care of is a lot for an old lady like her. She hardly spent any time at all in her chair. She was up and down the stairs, on and off the beds. Saying, "Are you ok, Are you ok?" She licks beans to test for fevers and paws at them to make sure they are still alive under all the blankies.

I am the angel. I am so good to sick people, I can hardly stand it. I sleep by them, I love 'em, and I watch out for 'em. That's all there is to say about that.

Mama: Excuse me Peach?! You are an opportunist. Why don't you tell the truth about how you are around sick people?

Ok, I admit. I work hard all day at my job. I don't have time to come home to sick people. So, I coincidentally crash on the bed. So what? It's the thought that counts. I also really like it when beans are sick because they can't defend themselves. It's a free for all on everything in the sick room---the glasses on the nightstand, earplugs, pills, bookmarks, oh, and you can't forget my favorite, the straws. I love the straws. Even if they are germy.

Now I wanna know, what is your purrsonality?

p.s. it is important to distinguish a stomach virus from flu virus. Everybuddy tell your beans to get Flu shots.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Tuxie Tuesday: Neighbors

Today I am going to introduce my Neighbor and local TWIN, "Scouty II"/"Mittens"". Nobody really knows what her name is. She lived with a family and then they moved away and left her behind. The lady next door to that inhumane family took "Scouty II" in and named her Mittens. So, she responds to Mittens. But I call her Scouty II. She's my Twin. She's a few years younger than me and is just now starting to fill out in the grand tuxedo burrito shape.
Here she is the gorgeous girl:
And here's me again, for comparison. See, we're like sisters. But her fur is rougher and her eyes are yellower and my tail is more of a "radar" than hers.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Put Your Paws Up (Again)!

We gotta thank you guys for the suggestions. The only one who doesn't thank you is La Reine Simone. She was so grumpy about the increased frequency of wipes and the introduction of washcloths. Her butt smells better (to our relief). She's still lookin' pretty darn scuzzy though.

There must be some miracle out there that we don't know about. Give her a few more days of intense cleaning and maybe she'll let me post her picture again.

The unfortunate victim here was Scout: she had her butt wiped too while Mama was at it. That was a shocker!

Mama needs to learn to keep her paws away from Spot #13.