You kitty bloggers is making mama cry

Kitty-buddies,
Mama is so happy to see that you remembered Miss Simone's Purrthday! Miss Simone is sure getting old...she was old as dirt, now she is older than dirt. She turned 17 last month. And she is crazier than ever. She's taken up residence in the laundry room because she's forgetting to use her box like a normal kitty and she's still getting her stupid baths. The staff needs to keep their eyes on her 24/7 cuz there is no telling what she might do!


I haven't been blogging, but I have loved your encouragement. There just was nothing happening to me. My imprisonment continues. I only get to on supervised walks around the prison, ehm, back yard once a day, on a good day. Now I can't even go into the bedrooms and sleep on Mama's bed because everyone's allergies are acting up and I'm "too furry." Whatever. I'm gorgeous and you know it. Life just isn't exciting when a man-cat is limited to one floor and the rest of beans have a whole house and world outside to explore!

My latest news is my big adventure. I am visiting my cousin-cats, Princess and Jack. Mama is watching them while their Mama (Mama's cousin) is visiting the grate state of Virginia. I thought I'd come along for the ride, since I was going a bit stir crazy. My cousins are not being the best hosts. Princess is just being a girl. What do you expect? I live with two of them so I understand and don't take the hissing personally. Jack-Man, though, I thought he'd be cool. It's just taking some time for him to warm up to me. I hope that we can have some real man-cat fun by the end of the week. Mama said that no kitty would play with me if I kept hiding under the bed (not hiding, I told her...staking out the territory and planning my attack strategies for when Jack decides to play with me. Mamas don't understand.)

Here's ME, then Jack is the one on the right with the gorgeous tail like me and Princess is the pouty one on the left. Mama tells me she's sweet, but I haven't seen that side of her yet.

Me 'n Jack, our first attempt at playing

They live on the first floor and have a balcony with a view of all the interesting things going in the 'partment complex. What I want to know is, Why can't I go to the beach? I can smell the fresh beach-y air calling me and Jack told me that kitties can't go to the beach unless we know how to play volleyball. Hmmm... what's volleyball?

Is it me or is Jack checkin' out the night?

I gotta go because Mama wants to watch the debate. Silly. I already know who I am voting for and so does she. Maybe Jack and Princess are swing voters?

I will try to get back to blogging and catching up with you. Mama has just been busy and I've had no life.

Peach "Britney Spears" Man Cat, or How I Ended Up in Psychiatric Lockdown for Life

Here's the story of how I became a "Lifer". I can never, ever, go outside again. I think it's a pretty harsh sentence. But maybe Mama isn't serious and I'll just have pay my Lenten penance and in less than 40 days, I'll be free again. (Scout is giving up football and Simone is giving up baths, so I'm giving up going outside, maybe).

According to the lying, conniving neighbors, I am a violent criminal who needs to be taken off the streets.
You all know I am not a violent criminal. I didn't even get a fair trial. That proves my earlier point about the election. No equal rights for cats.

My alleged crimes: 3 counts of breaking and entering, 2 counts of terrorism and attempted assault, 4 counts of vandalism
I am accused of entering the neighbors' house via the old doggie door and beating up the two indoor cats. When they closed the doggie door. I ripped up 2 screen doors and 2 window screens trying to get back in the house and scare the cats. This occurred over a period of months until they finally caught me and called Mama. She came and got me and marched me straight home. Then went back to talk to the neighbors. She says I am very lucky that she didn't have to pay for the damages. Otherwise... Well, I don't know what "otherwise." She would have taken me to the pound?! Yeah right. She loves me so much she can't stand it.

Obviously, I didn't do it. I didn't want to scare the cats. I wanted to play with them. And even if I did do it, they had it coming. Maybe the coyote ripped up the screens or a possum or a raccoon. Just because the screens looked like exact replicas of my box, doesn't mean I did it. Just because there was white fur in the house, doesn't mean it was mine. I demand DNA testing! Where are the CCSIs?

Now I have to stay inside for life. The neighbors want to replace their screens and Mama can't vouch for my actions. So she's keeping me inside. I have been so depressed. I have days where I don't even get up for breakfast in the morning and mope around all day. My life is over!!

Mama says that Aunt Nancy's vet knows of medicines to help me. I am not always aggressive. I'm not mean. I never hiss at anybody or use my claws in a fight. I'm just persistent. I get really hyper and can't control myself. Then I get really depressed and can't move or eat. Maybe there is better living through chemistry for me. All I know is, that I understand how Britney feels.

Super Fat Tuesday!

It's FAT TUESDAY and SUPER TUESDAY! Since I'm a California kitty I get celebrate both. Although we are all still deaf from all the screaming that went on Sunday we are ready for more partying. We love a party! And if it means more treats....

I voted too! SEE:
Here's my, I'm proud to be a voter face.
And here's my, "What do you mean my vote doesn't count face?"
And finally, I realized, that the country is going to $^&%*^* in a handbasket so I might as well resign myself. No one ever considers cats' rights do they?
Whew! I was such an emotional morning! But now I'm proudly wearing my voting sticker AND my carnival costume, so the day should be better all around. And Mama's in a good mood because she finally got to vote for real for the first time since she was 18. She didn't have to send her ballot in from some foreign country like Germany or Austria or New York. She got to punch out her ballot, chads and all.

Getting ready for the BIG GAME!

WE are ready! Scout is preparing her chair. I've got my "box" seat just like I want it. Simone says, "Can't we just have a tea party?"

It's a tragedy that our SAINTS didn't make it...but we will have a fun day no matter what! Chili for lunch, yum. Oh, wait, I'm not allowed to eat beef because I don't clean my litterbox. Well, I can beg anyway.

I just wanted to post that great picture once more (and it's also good for celebrating MARDI GRAS):

P.S. Everybody, we are just fine. Nobody died or got sick or anything. We are just having major staffing problems. I told Scout we should hire a temp, but she couldn't get off her chair long enough to look for applicants. We had a good Christmas with lots of presents and treats, rang in the New Year with costumes, Jimmy Joe's mama, Auntie Anne, came to see me because she missed me so, and Scout turned 14 on January 17. The biggest news of all is that now I have to be an indoor kitty for the REST OF MY LIFE. It is a travesty. I'm innocent. I didn't do what they said I did. But, I'll blog about that later. Now I want to get back on the blogosphere and catch up with all my long-lost friends.

Sick Day

We've been gone a while (more than a month!), but we'z back now. Not that anything 'specially good or bad happened. We just was too busy havin' fun.

Today I have a post appropriate for the SEASON. The FLU SEASON, that is. (Ha, everykitty thought I meant Christmas season.)


We are asking an important question about essential kitty duties: What is your purrsonality when it comes to taking care of sick beans?

Here's what happened to us:
On Monday night, Grandma and Mama started barfing. But when they barf, they don't feel better, they feel worse. I don't get it. Barfing always makes you feel better. Worse things happened. Then before we knew it, they were in bed and wouldn't get out. Here's how we took control of the situation (cuz you all know male-beans is useless).

Scout is indifferent. She doesn't do sick people. She's afraid of going into the bedroom and won't stick around to comfort a sickie if her life depends upon it. Pretty much this is what she did the whole time. Oh, and she grumbled that routines were messed up because Grandpa doesn't do things right.





Simone is the nursemaid. She has to make the rounds and check in on everyone at regular intervals. She won't stay long though, because she's got a lot to do. Two sick people to take care of is a lot for an old lady like her. She hardly spent any time at all in her chair. She was up and down the stairs, on and off the beds. Saying, "Are you ok, Are you ok?" She licks beans to test for fevers and paws at them to make sure they are still alive under all the blankies.





I am the angel. I am so good to sick people, I can hardly stand it. I sleep by them, I love 'em, and I watch out for 'em. That's all there is to say about that.

Mama: Excuse me Peach?! You are an opportunist. Why don't you tell the truth about how you are around sick people?

Ok, I admit. I work hard all day at my job. I don't have time to come home to sick people. So, I coincidentally crash on the bed. So what? It's the thought that counts. I also really like it when beans are sick because they can't defend themselves. It's a free for all on everything in the sick room---the glasses on the nightstand, earplugs, pills, bookmarks, oh, and you can't forget my favorite, the straws. I love the straws. Even if they are germy.

Now I wanna know, what is your purrsonality?

p.s. it is important to distinguish a stomach virus from flu virus. Everybuddy tell your beans to get Flu shots.

Tuxie Tuesday: Neighbors

Today I am going to introduce my Neighbor and local TWIN, "Scouty II"/"Mittens"". Nobody really knows what her name is. She lived with a family and then they moved away and left her behind. The lady next door to that inhumane family took "Scouty II" in and named her Mittens. So, she responds to Mittens. But I call her Scouty II. She's my Twin. She's a few years younger than me and is just now starting to fill out in the grand tuxedo burrito shape.
Here she is the gorgeous girl:
And here's me again, for comparison. See, we're like sisters. But her fur is rougher and her eyes are yellower and my tail is more of a "radar" than hers.

Put Your Paws Up (Again)!

We gotta thank you guys for the suggestions. The only one who doesn't thank you is La Reine Simone. She was so grumpy about the increased frequency of wipes and the introduction of washcloths. Her butt smells better (to our relief). She's still lookin' pretty darn scuzzy though.

There must be some miracle out there that we don't know about. Give her a few more days of intense cleaning and maybe she'll let me post her picture again.

The unfortunate victim here was Scout: she had her butt wiped too while Mama was at it. That was a shocker!

Mama needs to learn to keep her paws away from Spot #13.

Put Your Paws Up!

Whose dirty paws are these?

They have been treated with these fine products on a regular basis:

And we recently added Miracle Coat to the routine because those paws were SO unbearably dirty...

Have you guessed who those fine "white" paws belong to??

yep, you guessed it!

Does anykitty have a suggestion on how to keep this girl clean? It might be too dangerous for her heart to go in a REAL bath. Though we all know she needs a good, long SOAK. Mama finally got her to eat again by giving her Meow Mix instead of Science Diet (Scout and I hover in the wings. We're the clean-up crew) , but this didn't solve her "I'm too old for this. You clean me" routine. She's totally given up on all grooming. EEWW! Scout and I won't touch her dirty paws with a ten-foot pole. That means Mama's got to bathe her. She's at her wits end with what to do. Good thing I'm easy.

I'm OK! I'm OK!

I just wanted you kitties to know that I am A-OK. The wildfires in Southern California are near, but not that near. Completely the other side of the mountains toward the beach. For once, I'm glad to be a Valley Cat. We can see the smoke and the air isn't too good, but we're safe.

Mama says that I am a fool. I went outside yesterday and today (only for a little while). I was smelling so earthy that she had the nerve to wipe me down with one of Simone's stupid "calming" wipes.

I wish these FIRES would end. They are really cramping my style. Mama says I should feel sorry for the kitties and horsies and doggies that have to evacuate, but I just want to know if I can get some bar-b-qued wild conejito.

Thursday Thirteen: The Dalai Lama is a my kinda guy

BY SCOUT

Last night I was watching my favorite program, The Newshour, or maybe it was my second favorite program, ABC Evening News. As you know, I like the music and the lap time. Last night there were quilts too! In any case, I saw the most interesting story that I just had to post about.

I am convinced that there are many interesting things about the Dalai Lama. Here's what I learned.

1. He's not a Llama. (Is your mama a llama?) . But rather a Lama, meaning spiritual teacher or guru.

2. He is a very gentle and peaceful man. I appreciate that. No need to do anything too quickly or without thought to whom you might hurt.

3. His real home is in Lhasa, Tibet. Dalai Lamas have lived there for squillions of years.

4. But he has to live in Exile. This is very sad. I bet he would like to go home and sleep on his own special chair and not some borrowed chair somewhere in India (where is India, anyway?).


5. He is the reincarnation of the previous Dalai Lama. #14

6. He has won the Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe he saw Yoggie when he went to Sweden to get it.

6. He just got the Congressional Medal of Honor. This ticked off the Chinese. That's O.K. I don't like Chinese food. But then, I'm not too sure what Congress is either.

7. He travels all over the world. Maybe this makes him not miss is bed in Tibet so much. Gotta keep busy.

8. You must refer to him as "His Holiness" out of respect.

9. You can watch is webcasts!

10. He has three commitments (according to his website). First to realize that humans are the same and that we should ease suffering. I think he'd apply this to all creatures.

11. Second, to promote religious harmony. That's a good thing. I've been learning about world religions lately, so I am qualified to give an opinion.

12. Third to free Tibet so he can be reincarnated there. Yep, there's no place like home.

13. And best of all, he's a USC Fan. Fight On!

I am a displaced kitty

I'm back online! Yeh-haw, as my cowboy friends would say.

My silly mama has been so busy since two Sundays ago.
Here's what she's been doing. I'm sure you will all agree that she needs to quit lolly-gagging around get her priorities straight. She is my employee and she has been slacking off! I do not tolerate slackers, as you know. I am very industrious. (see my cardboard box). Not that I haven't been having a blast in the meantime, but no time for blogging with her thumbs to help me.

Monday through Tuesday she can't really account for. She was probably nipped-out.

Thursday she went to the quilt shop really far away for a whole day with her mama and her auntie. They bought lots of fabrics which I will get sit on very soon! She did see my cousins Rudy and Ellen.

Then she had a visitor from Friday to Wednesday. Now, it's true that I really like this special visitor because he throws me up in the air and calls me Peachy-poo and we can have man-to-man talks about very important things. Simone loves him even more because she's his special girl. Scout is glad he's gone and life is back to normal. But, naturally, Mama likes him best of all.
They did lots of stuff and went places I don't care to go. I'm too cool for that. But the real bummer was when they were fixing the car with grandpa. Oh, woe is me. I was locked out of the garage and I could hear all of the interesting noises and wanted to know so bad what was happening. I still don't see why I wasn't allowed to help. Clearly I am certified supervisor for all human activities.

Then yesterday she was applying for some complicated jobbie thing and needed the computer real bad.

But now I'm back and ready to catch up with you all! We'll post some new pictures when Mama gets her act together. I think I might have to fire her for negligence. But I haven't figured out how I would ever blog then.

Heroes

Mama said to me that she's gonna put me on the 3:10 to Yuma. That's no problem. I've been there twice before. And escaped.

Just like my new Hero, Ben Wade.
We have a lot in common, don't you think?

I'm a dog-attacking MACHINE!

Yo! I attacked my second dog this week. This was a biggie--golden retriever. Boy did I pull ol' fake-out on him. He just thought I was a silly kitty walking along and boom! Charge! Thwack! One shocked puppy on his way.

I'm the coolest.

p.s. Mama joined Facebook, so she's being a computer hog again! I have a Catbook page now though. Big Whoop. Blogs are cooler.

Oh When the SAINTS.....

Check it out! My Team plays today! Rah! Rah! They better win this time....


NEWS FLASH:: I attacked a dog today!! Stupid Mama just stood there laughing her head off--holding her cell phone, so she could have documented my triumphant moment, but she didn't. She's so dumb sometimes.

He also let a baby pet him. What a fool. --Scout.

Pity Party for Peach

Season's First Rain Knocks Out Power, Slows TrafficPOSTED: 6:19 am PDT September 22, 2007 LOS ANGELES -- The first rain of the season always brings more accidents, but not as many during the rainstorm that hit Friday as there might have been, police said Saturday.


SEE THAT HEADLINE KITTY KATS??? It's raining today! What the fuzz? The sun always shines in California! That's what I heard anyway before I agreed to move here. They lied to me. Lied. Lied. Lied. Lied. YOU know what this means?? I can't go outside! What I am supposed to do? Whine Whine Whine.

Mama: Don't worry Peach, we are throwing you a Pity Party.

Scout: Peach it's game day! You know that means you gotta put on your game face. We get to stay in and sit on quilts and watch football and sew and watch Band of Brothers. And I have a new USC blankie to sit on for game time (picture coming later, it's not game time yet, so I haven't sat on it ). It s still not game time, but I was READY and I can do whatever I want today. The day couldn't be any better than this!! I'm having a great day! Enjoy your pity party, dude.

Oh, man. It's gonna be a looonngg day.....

Ahoy Mateys!

Cap'n One-Eyed Simone Here for Meow Like a Pirate Day! First Mate Scurvy Peach is busy swabbing the decks, so there's no pirate-y picture of him.* I ordered 'im to walk the plank, arr. But he parlayed and I had to let him go. ARRGGH! Scout is a land lubber and won't participate.
Instead, I'll post a picture of our Favorite Pirates. Can you guess which one I'm in love with? Here's a hint, He likes to say "Savvy?" and he swaggers like me.
Meow like a pirate all day long me hearties!
Look what we found from Dragonheart--ours Pirate Names!

My pirate name is:

Iron Anne Kidd

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

And Peach:

My pirate name is:

Mad Jack Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

*Cap'n Mama has no clue how to use photoshop, maybe she should walk the plank, arr!!

Mancat Monday: It's all about Me

Maggy and Zoey at Zoolatry made the wonderful pictures of me. I just love to look at pictures of myself, so I'm dedicating today's Mancat Monday to myself. I don't need any advice and apparently no kitties need advice at the moment so, all the more time to look at adoring pictures of Peach Man.

"Boxes of Peaches"

"Peachy Keen"

"The Peach Pit"

Simone and Scout on FRENEMIES

Scout: Did you notice that picture that Peach posted on Friday? He was sitting in MY chair! Every picture ever posted of me, I'm sitting in that CHAIR with MY BLUE TOWEL.

Simone: Tell me about it. Now you've taken MY spot and I'm forced to stay awake because you snore like an oncoming train. Besides, he'll be along in a few minutes to terrorize us.

Scout: You know what Peach is, he's a FRENEMY. And I'm a Valley Cat, so I should know how to use my slang.


S&S (scowling): Oh, and we're supposed to shameless promote HIS poll and HIS mancat monday column. Just a reminder to participate. Or not. If you'd like to him fail miserably.

How I got my name Meme

I am so behind on memes (catnip meme from Sam and Tig, 7 Ps from JJ, and who knows what else) that I thought I'd jump right in here and let you all know how I got my name. This sounded fun and maybe I'll catch up on the others if my paws don't wear out first.

I got my name cuz I'm a PEACH! Mama adopted me from the Tompkins County SPCA and because I was the cutest cat there. That's my version. According her mama, it was because I "reached out and touched someone" (her). I just stretched out my long leg and said, "hey what about me? what do you think lady? am I the cutest bestest manliest one here?" (I still had my h00-haahs). I found my way to the SPCA in a hot pink collar.I was also sooo skinny. 6 lbs. I should weigh 13 for my structure, but I can't get above 11 cuz I'm such a busy guy. I had a bad case of worms that took Mama 2 months to clear up, along with one wrong diagnosis of asthma. I had to take super-turbo-mega dewormer. Not fun. Lemme tell you. Also lost my hoo-hahs. Mama claims I had a high voice before I lost them, but she's wrong. I only became LV (little voice) after that fateful day.
Mama went through lots of potential names, but Peach stuck. She said, he won't be Peaches because everycat is Peaches, just Peach, in the singular. And then one day my Auntie Anne (Jimmy Joe's Mama) decided to sing "I am the Peach Man, koo koo ka choo" to me. Then I was Peach Man. Sometimes, I'm just "the Man", and usually referred to as THE Peach Man, not just plain old Peach Man. I'm also called "Prince" "Peachness", "Peachnik", "Peacher" and "Sir Peachley" and lots of other mean names by the girls that aren't fit for print. On all of my medical records, I'm known as "Peach, DMH"


Ok that was long, I don't have the energy for more memes. I gotta sleep. Been bird hunting all day, man.

Peach Cannot Live By Jello Shots Alone

The late summer and autumn of my discontent is getting better. See this picture of me last week. Remember how B-O-R-E-D I was? I want you to note very carefully how many toys I have. Mama counted 8 toys, plus my box and the attack post (what most of you call, "scratching" post). This is about 1/5 of the toys I actually have. Do you UNDERSTAND now why I have been going out of my mind with nothing to do??

I have hardly had any time to blog since last week because the weather finally changed a little. Also Mama is looking for a J-O-B so she is being such a computer hog. I know what a job is, duh. I have some very important jobs. See me staking out for a day of business. I have v. imp. things to do.
Like make inspections!!! Who knows why this cone is here, but holes in the ground are very tempting. I think I want to take this cone home with me.
I am also a budding Naturalist. I have caught 1 bird per day, that makes 4 fine specimens. I started to collect them in the back yard for my forthcoming museum exhibit, but this morning they were mysteriously gone! Where did they go? No one will answer me. I will have start using state-of-art security measures to protect my specimens. Mama said she wouldn't take pictures. Actually, it was something like "dammit Peach not again!!", and lots of "eeeeww gross" and maybe some "why would I photograph rotting flesh and maggots?" What maggots? Those were quality birds, man. They just needed a few more days to mummify.


In the afternoons, I have some SERIOUS partying to do. But if I tell you who I party with and where I party, I'd have to kill you. It's down the street in the special yard. Mama isn't allowed to take pictures either. It's a secret society. My spotty lips are sealed.

Drunk on jello shots and with too much nip in my system, I have to come home eventually. Then I do things like sleep, try to chew on Ipods, pick on the girls. Nothing wears me down I tell you.

Party on, party kitties!


p.s. I was too busy partying, ahem, working, to do mancat monday. I'll try to be better next week.



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