HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMONE!!!

Simone's birthday is Today (ok, Saturday, but I'm posting now to give lots of time for Birthday wishes)!! Here's 16 things about her (with help from Mama):

1.Simone was born in 1992. That means she never had to be a communist kitty. But almost.
2. Her dearest wish for her birthday is that I be left outside to suffer heatstroke. Alternately, tied up downstairs or locked in the bathroom.
3. Simone's first owner died and that's how she came to Mama.
4. Simone used to have two beautiful eyes, but got a corneal ulcer. Now she has ONE beautiful eye.
5. Her nickname is "The One-Eyed Wonder"
6. Simone used to have a brother named Gunther, but he died shortly after they came to the SPCA. Gunther looked just like me.
7. Simone loves to ride in the car.
8. Simone loves to give headbutts and slimes. So much that Mama gets annoyed with her.
9.She has discovered the joys and benefits of daily yoga in her old age.
10.Her favorite treat is Chicken.
11.But her favorite flavor of cat food is Beef.
12.Simone licks beans to tell them she loves them. This is kind of gross.
13.Simone loves to take in the morning sunshine. I think everyone knew this already.
14.She never liked to be brushed until just a few months ago.
15.Simone has a very scratchy and tiny voice. You can hardly hear her sometimes. But she can sure purr!
16. Simone likes to live her life to the fullest! And this means meeting new people, going new places, and trying new things. She's a brave kitty.


Even though I pick on her, I'm still glad she's around! Happy Birthday Old Lady!
From Peach (And Scout and Mama)

P.S. Simone still has a cold. That suks to have a cold for your birthday, so she needs extra luv.

We light some candles to Remember


For our dear friend Oscar and in memory of Simone's Brother Gunther, who would be 16 today if he had made it.

p.s. also a friend's woofie died, which is very sad too. He was old and his time had come.


To My Dear BUD

I am going to miss my wildandcrazyguy. We had just got plans for our new club. Well, I will take up the plans in his memory and name the club after him. All cats who like to be daredevils can do stuff in his memory. We're sending purrs to his family and are so shocked by his sudden death!!!

Thursday Thirteen: Double Version

BY SIMONE

We haven't been blogging and here's Thirteen Reasons Why :

1. Peach hid under the bed from Wednesday until Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday in anticipation of the visitors and Friday to Tuesday in fear of them. We have no photos of this because he's a chicken.

2. Mancat Monday was destroyed because the family went to Irvine. Besides which, Peach was still hiding under the bed and sweating through his paws.

3. I kept myself busy by making a new friend, Max. He's six. He'll be starting the first grade on Tuesday.

4. I made another friend, Annie, Max's mom and my Mama's cousin.

5. I made another friend, Cameron, Max's brother. Cameron is a big Fifth Grader. Wow!


6. I hung out with the boys and they made Pizza for Everybuddy. Naturally, my hair was the secret ingredient. Yummo!
7. Scout was busy making faces, but trying to stay curious.
8. Scout has been so limbered up by her new glucosamine supplements that she has no time for blogging, only jumping on walls and climbing trees.
9. Then everyone left and we had to spend a day recovering. It's so tiring having company. But Peach really missed out. Those boys were so much fun!

10. Peach has been sleeping with his paw all funny. Who knows, maybe he broke his foot! Wouldn't that be cool! (Oh, Mama says he's just weird, his foot is fine).
11. Peach keeps insisting that he has to go outside and spends time whining when he could be blogging.

12. I've been feeling under the weather. I have a cold. I shouldn't be using the computer because I sneeze all over it.

13. It's been 108 in the shade and that's too hot to do anything!!

BY PEACH

Thirteen Reasons Why I Should Be Allowed to Go Outside

1. If we lived in Phoenix, 108 would be cool.
2. I have things to do. I gotta see a cat about a man.
3. Because I said so. WAAAAHH!
4. 108 is not SO hot.
5.I have played with every toy I own. At least twice.
6. My art work is progressing faster than usual
7. AAAHHH! I'm going crazy inside!!!!
8.I'll just attack Simone if you don't let me
9.It's ONLY 108.
10. I can attack Scout too.
11.Inside is so boring.
12. 108 is nice weather on other planets.
13. Because I said so. So there.

Mancat Monday: Dear Peach Man #4

We have lots of summer themed questions this week ranging from vaccinations to lizards (they like the warm weather) to vacationing beans, so tune in pussy cats.... (Like my summer "action shot"??)

My Mommie says it is WRONG to eat lizards, and she takes them away from me. I say if I catch them, I should get to eat them all up. What do you think?

From,

Daisy

Dear Daisy,
It is my opinion that ALL lizards that you catch are yours to eat. I have had similar experiences. I catch things and the No Lady or her conspirators take them away. What's a guy to do? I understand your situation. I think you must overcome your instink to show off your fine hunting skills to your Mommie and devour all lizards in private. Just let her take away the occasional lizard to fake her out.

Happy Hunting!
Peach Man

Peachman,

It's yoor gerls purrthday, it's da last minit, what do yoo get her?

Speedy

Dear Speedy,

I am sorry for answering your question so late. Forces interfered with my ability to blog. I am sure your gerlfriend's purrthday is past. Still, I think you should make her an e-card or send her a special online prezzent. Or even better you could send her a special gift from Petsmart, like a toy or a costume or some high quality nip. Nothing like a fine baggie of nip to make her love you.

Good luck in love, Speedy Man,
Peach Man

Peach Man,

I have a question for you for next week.

I am finally a Mancat, but I find myself doing kittenish things.

As a kitten, I never used to "knead" my humans (some people call this making biscuits). A few months ago, however, I was left alone overnight while my humans were at a race. I was so happy to see my mom when she came home that when I was on her lap and being pet, I started kneading! My human mom was delighted, and I was surprised.

After that, I started kneading my mom occasinally, say once every two weeks or so. Recently, however, the frequency has increased, and I am kneading her every other day.

Should I be concerned? It is my understanding that this is kittenish behaviour. However, I am now a Mancat, so is this appropriate?

Thanks.

Dragonheart

Dear Dragonheart,

I am sure many cats suffer from the same problem. I find myself kneading on occasion and sometimes I even drool. Yes, it is not very "manly" of me, but sometimes being a mancat means showing your softer side. Plus, the girls really dig it. As long as you remember to keep your claws in as much as possible your Mama shouldn't have too much of a problem. Also try not to do it when she is wearing her good clothes or she might get mad and yell at you. It is a very normal cat behavior that can last your whole life. It really just means you have transfered the love you had for your kittymama to your human mama. So, Dragonheart, knead away and really let yourself go!

Purrs to you, new Mancat,
Peach Man

Dear Peach Man: Hee! Hee! Saw you run up the ole' tree this morning. You came right down--remembered what happened the last time you went up that tree, didn't you?!!!!

Anyway, I gots a problem. The vet has sent 2 notices that I need to come in for a rabies vaccination. I know the beans are going to take me in and I'm shakin' in my white spats. Help! What do I do? How do I get out of this?

Scout

Dear Scout,

I'm sorry that you already went to the vet and I didn't help you get out of it. But, honestly, unlike other cats, I LIKE to go to the vet. It's so fun. You get meet all sorts of dogs and other cats, sometimes birds too. And the ladies are nice and the doctors too. They tell you how beautiful you are and pet you and stuff. Plus, I heard you got a treat for being such a good kitty. I never got a treat from a doctor! It's so easy when all you need is a shot. It's very important to have the rabies vaccine because there are bats that might bite you and give you rabies and then you'd give it me. So good thing you went.
As a public heath service announcement, I officially recommend that all kitties GET THEIR VACCINES AND CHECKUPS!! It's for your own good, no matter how awful the car ride is and how stinky like a dog the office is.

Peach Man

My beans are taking a whole week off work BUT they will be leaving me for FOUR WHOLE DAYS. Now, I will have my grandbeans taking care of me so I will get spoiled (new toys, extra treats) but the point is, my beans should NOT take off work to go away. The only time they should take off work is to spend time with me.
I have been snarkey in the past when they get home and of course act all pathetic to the grandbeans so they report my "lonliness" to my beans, but how do I assure that this time will be the LAST time they abandon me.
I have an evil alter ego to help me if that gives you any ideas....
Really cheezed off ManCat.

PS they will be returning Tuesday the 21st so a Monday response would be perfect timing.

AND a similar question from Chase

I would like to ask...What is the appropriate way to treat a returning human? I'm unclear on time frames for being mad, purring, etc.

Chase

Dear Really Cheezed off Mancat and Chase,

Being a Peach Man, I have no time frame. I just throw myself shamelessly at my returning Mama. I just can't bring myself to be mad at her for leaving. Mostly because by the time I see her, I forgot that she left. I wish I had a longer memory. Simone is good at the ignoring/mad part. She says no more than a few hours of this is required. Otherwise, you will just be considered a snobby cat and no one will love you. Purring should resume as soon as returning humans settle down on the couch and/or bedtime at the latest, depending on when they get back. And most important of all I don't leave my Mama's side for a good long while to make sure she doesn't leave me again. This is what I think "Cheezed off" should do. He should be ever vigilant.
Other possibilities for Cheezed off: getting deathly ill helps prevent beans from leaving. Another option is to cause some sort of trouble that requires your family to come home early. That way, they won't want to risk it again. Evil alter-egos are helpful for the implementation of this tactic. If you want to go there, terrible destructive behavior. Preferably self-destructive. If you destroy the house, they are liable to get rid of you, but if you inflict wounds to yourself they will feel sorry for you and not leave you unattended again. I know this tough, but it depends how desperate you are. Scratching yourself til you bleed isn't always easy.
Good luck to Cheezed off and Chase,
Peach Man


Until Next Week, my friends....
Yours Truly, Peach Man

What a Week! My Mama Came Back to Me

I am sincerely repentant for the absence of my Mancat Monday Dear Peach Man Advice Column! There was a Sleepy Sunday followed by a Manic Mancat Monday and I just didn't get to post. My mama was so busy visiting with Jimmy Joe's Mama on Sunday and Monday that she forgot to do my post. Plus the innernet wasn't working too good and the "system administrator,"aka Jofish, couldn't fix it cuz Mama's computer is dumber than a dog. Then the rest of the week I was too busy hanging out with my Mama making sure she didn't leave me again.

EVERYCAT, THE BIG NEWS IS:

My Dear Mama is finally home, back with me. Finally!!!! (Ahem, as if, I mean, I didn't even notice she was gone.)
She was travelin' through these places:
She left good old Ithaca, where I was born,
Then went to Philadelphia
with lotsa shoppin' in the airport.
Then on to Las Vegas
(good thing she didn't gamble away my cat food money)

And finally to Burbank
Then home to ME!!! Whoooppee! (I mean, yeah, whatever, I'm a tuff guy, I don't need my mama!)(ok, so that's an old halloween picture, it's the best I could find.)
Now I can relax and go outside, since it's only 99 degrees, and work on my art. I've been feeling so inspired since she's been home. Look!!!

My advice column will return on Monday and I will catch up with you guys over the weekend!

Mancat Monday: Dear Peach Man #3

Dear Peach Man: I've been sidelined recently with a hip fracture and my beans won't let me play or do anything. Life is BORING!!!!!!!! Do you have any ideas how I could have some fun? I sure would like to meet you some day. You are my hero! Jack

Dear Jack, You poor kitty. How did you fracture your hip? You must be one wildandcrazyguy. I have a number of suggestions. First, the innernet is your friend. You should blog, check out others' blogs, and maybe even take the IDYA challenge to make NOMSS friend. You never know who you might meet--and all from the comfort of your confinement zone. This also reduces the risk of eating, or getting eaten by, your new Not of My Species Special Friend. Then, you should spend a lot of time plotting how to get everyone back for keeping you out of the game for so long. See my previous suggestion to "Anonymous" about creating a war room. When you are well, you will have lots of destructive, ahem, I mean creative, energy to release, so you'd better have a plan. Finally, in your spare time, there is always kitty TV. Not CAT tv, which on the google turns up lots of links to local access television which is just plain BORING. Who wants to watch 10th graders do their math homework or city council meetings, huh? Nokitty I know. Instead, check out nature programs, or get this DVD from Australia called Catsize Entertainment Check out this kitty having fun at home, surely you could do this. Finally, you might like to start taking yoga classes, as you recuperate. Skittles offers them regularly.

Good luck, and good night, my friend. Peach Man

Dear Peach Man:

My boyfuriend doesn't write me or send my messages or talk to me very much! Should I find a new boyfuriend? What should I do?

So sad!!

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous, I think you find out why your boyfuriend is not paying enough attention to you. If he is a busy mancat, he probably is too busy thinking about what havoc to wreak next, so really, he doesn't have much space in his pea-brain for mushy-gushy lovey stuff. Maybe he's just no good at it. Do you send him messages and write to him? You should a good nose sniffing session together and figure out what is going on. Worst case scenario, ask yourself, What Would Oprah Do? And go read this book:

I am sorry for your heartache and I hope your love life improves!
Purrs,
Peach Man

Dear loyal readers,
That's all for this week!! Keep sending in those questions....and have no fear, Peach Man is here!