Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You kitty bloggers is making mama cry

Mama is so happy to see that you remembered Miss Simone's Purrthday! Miss Simone is sure getting old...she was old as dirt, now she is older than dirt. She turned 17 last month. And she is crazier than ever. She's taken up residence in the laundry room because she's forgetting to use her box like a normal kitty and she's still getting her stupid baths. The staff needs to keep their eyes on her 24/7 cuz there is no telling what she might do!

I haven't been blogging, but I have loved your encouragement. There just was nothing happening to me. My imprisonment continues. I only get to on supervised walks around the prison, ehm, back yard once a day, on a good day. Now I can't even go into the bedrooms and sleep on Mama's bed because everyone's allergies are acting up and I'm "too furry." Whatever. I'm gorgeous and you know it. Life just isn't exciting when a man-cat is limited to one floor and the rest of beans have a whole house and world outside to explore!

My latest news is my big adventure. I am visiting my cousin-cats, Princess and Jack. Mama is watching them while their Mama (Mama's cousin) is visiting the grate state of Virginia. I thought I'd come along for the ride, since I was going a bit stir crazy. My cousins are not being the best hosts. Princess is just being a girl. What do you expect? I live with two of them so I understand and don't take the hissing personally. Jack-Man, though, I thought he'd be cool. It's just taking some time for him to warm up to me. I hope that we can have some real man-cat fun by the end of the week. Mama said that no kitty would play with me if I kept hiding under the bed (not hiding, I told her...staking out the territory and planning my attack strategies for when Jack decides to play with me. Mamas don't understand.)

Here's ME, then Jack is the one on the right with the gorgeous tail like me and Princess is the pouty one on the left. Mama tells me she's sweet, but I haven't seen that side of her yet.

Me 'n Jack, our first attempt at playing

They live on the first floor and have a balcony with a view of all the interesting things going in the 'partment complex. What I want to know is, Why can't I go to the beach? I can smell the fresh beach-y air calling me and Jack told me that kitties can't go to the beach unless we know how to play volleyball. Hmmm... what's volleyball?

Is it me or is Jack checkin' out the night?

I gotta go because Mama wants to watch the debate. Silly. I already know who I am voting for and so does she. Maybe Jack and Princess are swing voters?

I will try to get back to blogging and catching up with you. Mama has just been busy and I've had no life.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Peach "Britney Spears" Man Cat, or How I Ended Up in Psychiatric Lockdown for Life

Here's the story of how I became a "Lifer". I can never, ever, go outside again. I think it's a pretty harsh sentence. But maybe Mama isn't serious and I'll just have pay my Lenten penance and in less than 40 days, I'll be free again. (Scout is giving up football and Simone is giving up baths, so I'm giving up going outside, maybe).

According to the lying, conniving neighbors, I am a violent criminal who needs to be taken off the streets.
You all know I am not a violent criminal. I didn't even get a fair trial. That proves my earlier point about the election. No equal rights for cats.

My alleged crimes: 3 counts of breaking and entering, 2 counts of terrorism and attempted assault, 4 counts of vandalism
I am accused of entering the neighbors' house via the old doggie door and beating up the two indoor cats. When they closed the doggie door. I ripped up 2 screen doors and 2 window screens trying to get back in the house and scare the cats. This occurred over a period of months until they finally caught me and called Mama. She came and got me and marched me straight home. Then went back to talk to the neighbors. She says I am very lucky that she didn't have to pay for the damages. Otherwise... Well, I don't know what "otherwise." She would have taken me to the pound?! Yeah right. She loves me so much she can't stand it.

Obviously, I didn't do it. I didn't want to scare the cats. I wanted to play with them. And even if I did do it, they had it coming. Maybe the coyote ripped up the screens or a possum or a raccoon. Just because the screens looked like exact replicas of my box, doesn't mean I did it. Just because there was white fur in the house, doesn't mean it was mine. I demand DNA testing! Where are the CCSIs?

Now I have to stay inside for life. The neighbors want to replace their screens and Mama can't vouch for my actions. So she's keeping me inside. I have been so depressed. I have days where I don't even get up for breakfast in the morning and mope around all day. My life is over!!

Mama says that Aunt Nancy's vet knows of medicines to help me. I am not always aggressive. I'm not mean. I never hiss at anybody or use my claws in a fight. I'm just persistent. I get really hyper and can't control myself. Then I get really depressed and can't move or eat. Maybe there is better living through chemistry for me. All I know is, that I understand how Britney feels.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Fat Tuesday!

It's FAT TUESDAY and SUPER TUESDAY! Since I'm a California kitty I get celebrate both. Although we are all still deaf from all the screaming that went on Sunday we are ready for more partying. We love a party! And if it means more treats....

I voted too! SEE:
Here's my, I'm proud to be a voter face.
And here's my, "What do you mean my vote doesn't count face?"
And finally, I realized, that the country is going to $^&%*^* in a handbasket so I might as well resign myself. No one ever considers cats' rights do they?
Whew! I was such an emotional morning! But now I'm proudly wearing my voting sticker AND my carnival costume, so the day should be better all around. And Mama's in a good mood because she finally got to vote for real for the first time since she was 18. She didn't have to send her ballot in from some foreign country like Germany or Austria or New York. She got to punch out her ballot, chads and all.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Getting ready for the BIG GAME!

WE are ready! Scout is preparing her chair. I've got my "box" seat just like I want it. Simone says, "Can't we just have a tea party?"

It's a tragedy that our SAINTS didn't make it...but we will have a fun day no matter what! Chili for lunch, yum. Oh, wait, I'm not allowed to eat beef because I don't clean my litterbox. Well, I can beg anyway.

I just wanted to post that great picture once more (and it's also good for celebrating MARDI GRAS):

P.S. Everybody, we are just fine. Nobody died or got sick or anything. We are just having major staffing problems. I told Scout we should hire a temp, but she couldn't get off her chair long enough to look for applicants. We had a good Christmas with lots of presents and treats, rang in the New Year with costumes, Jimmy Joe's mama, Auntie Anne, came to see me because she missed me so, and Scout turned 14 on January 17. The biggest news of all is that now I have to be an indoor kitty for the REST OF MY LIFE. It is a travesty. I'm innocent. I didn't do what they said I did. But, I'll blog about that later. Now I want to get back on the blogosphere and catch up with all my long-lost friends.