Mancat Monday: Dear Peach Man #4

We have lots of summer themed questions this week ranging from vaccinations to lizards (they like the warm weather) to vacationing beans, so tune in pussy cats.... (Like my summer "action shot"??)

My Mommie says it is WRONG to eat lizards, and she takes them away from me. I say if I catch them, I should get to eat them all up. What do you think?

From,

Daisy

Dear Daisy,
It is my opinion that ALL lizards that you catch are yours to eat. I have had similar experiences. I catch things and the No Lady or her conspirators take them away. What's a guy to do? I understand your situation. I think you must overcome your instink to show off your fine hunting skills to your Mommie and devour all lizards in private. Just let her take away the occasional lizard to fake her out.

Happy Hunting!
Peach Man

Peachman,

It's yoor gerls purrthday, it's da last minit, what do yoo get her?

Speedy

Dear Speedy,

I am sorry for answering your question so late. Forces interfered with my ability to blog. I am sure your gerlfriend's purrthday is past. Still, I think you should make her an e-card or send her a special online prezzent. Or even better you could send her a special gift from Petsmart, like a toy or a costume or some high quality nip. Nothing like a fine baggie of nip to make her love you.

Good luck in love, Speedy Man,
Peach Man

Peach Man,

I have a question for you for next week.

I am finally a Mancat, but I find myself doing kittenish things.

As a kitten, I never used to "knead" my humans (some people call this making biscuits). A few months ago, however, I was left alone overnight while my humans were at a race. I was so happy to see my mom when she came home that when I was on her lap and being pet, I started kneading! My human mom was delighted, and I was surprised.

After that, I started kneading my mom occasinally, say once every two weeks or so. Recently, however, the frequency has increased, and I am kneading her every other day.

Should I be concerned? It is my understanding that this is kittenish behaviour. However, I am now a Mancat, so is this appropriate?

Thanks.

Dragonheart

Dear Dragonheart,

I am sure many cats suffer from the same problem. I find myself kneading on occasion and sometimes I even drool. Yes, it is not very "manly" of me, but sometimes being a mancat means showing your softer side. Plus, the girls really dig it. As long as you remember to keep your claws in as much as possible your Mama shouldn't have too much of a problem. Also try not to do it when she is wearing her good clothes or she might get mad and yell at you. It is a very normal cat behavior that can last your whole life. It really just means you have transfered the love you had for your kittymama to your human mama. So, Dragonheart, knead away and really let yourself go!

Purrs to you, new Mancat,
Peach Man

Dear Peach Man: Hee! Hee! Saw you run up the ole' tree this morning. You came right down--remembered what happened the last time you went up that tree, didn't you?!!!!

Anyway, I gots a problem. The vet has sent 2 notices that I need to come in for a rabies vaccination. I know the beans are going to take me in and I'm shakin' in my white spats. Help! What do I do? How do I get out of this?

Scout

Dear Scout,

I'm sorry that you already went to the vet and I didn't help you get out of it. But, honestly, unlike other cats, I LIKE to go to the vet. It's so fun. You get meet all sorts of dogs and other cats, sometimes birds too. And the ladies are nice and the doctors too. They tell you how beautiful you are and pet you and stuff. Plus, I heard you got a treat for being such a good kitty. I never got a treat from a doctor! It's so easy when all you need is a shot. It's very important to have the rabies vaccine because there are bats that might bite you and give you rabies and then you'd give it me. So good thing you went.
As a public heath service announcement, I officially recommend that all kitties GET THEIR VACCINES AND CHECKUPS!! It's for your own good, no matter how awful the car ride is and how stinky like a dog the office is.

Peach Man

My beans are taking a whole week off work BUT they will be leaving me for FOUR WHOLE DAYS. Now, I will have my grandbeans taking care of me so I will get spoiled (new toys, extra treats) but the point is, my beans should NOT take off work to go away. The only time they should take off work is to spend time with me.
I have been snarkey in the past when they get home and of course act all pathetic to the grandbeans so they report my "lonliness" to my beans, but how do I assure that this time will be the LAST time they abandon me.
I have an evil alter ego to help me if that gives you any ideas....
Really cheezed off ManCat.

PS they will be returning Tuesday the 21st so a Monday response would be perfect timing.

AND a similar question from Chase

I would like to ask...What is the appropriate way to treat a returning human? I'm unclear on time frames for being mad, purring, etc.

Chase

Dear Really Cheezed off Mancat and Chase,

Being a Peach Man, I have no time frame. I just throw myself shamelessly at my returning Mama. I just can't bring myself to be mad at her for leaving. Mostly because by the time I see her, I forgot that she left. I wish I had a longer memory. Simone is good at the ignoring/mad part. She says no more than a few hours of this is required. Otherwise, you will just be considered a snobby cat and no one will love you. Purring should resume as soon as returning humans settle down on the couch and/or bedtime at the latest, depending on when they get back. And most important of all I don't leave my Mama's side for a good long while to make sure she doesn't leave me again. This is what I think "Cheezed off" should do. He should be ever vigilant.
Other possibilities for Cheezed off: getting deathly ill helps prevent beans from leaving. Another option is to cause some sort of trouble that requires your family to come home early. That way, they won't want to risk it again. Evil alter-egos are helpful for the implementation of this tactic. If you want to go there, terrible destructive behavior. Preferably self-destructive. If you destroy the house, they are liable to get rid of you, but if you inflict wounds to yourself they will feel sorry for you and not leave you unattended again. I know this tough, but it depends how desperate you are. Scratching yourself til you bleed isn't always easy.
Good luck to Cheezed off and Chase,
Peach Man


Until Next Week, my friends....
Yours Truly, Peach Man