Our Horoscopes

Peach (6/4/02):

Gemini: Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Gemini is the Sign of the kitten-cat...the exaggeratedly playful feline who is fickle and indecisive to the point of distraction. Blessed with the gift of eternal youth, this cat will fritter away his or her life in a muddled confusion of comings and goings...ditherings and datherings...for this is the born explorer of the cat world. The Gemini Cat is a highly intellectual creature but lacks the ability to make much sense, twittering and squawking at owners most of the time. This feline is a lively and enthusiastic cat, but possesses something of a split personality, which only serves to further complicate an already complex character. It is not often that the feline species will obey a human command, but many Gemini Cats seem to be the exception. Being the most communicative Sign of the Zodiac, these felines appear to actually understand the human language and may even "meow" back as if in answer. Though adverse to being restrained for such basic tasks as baths and nail-clipping, the intelligent nature of the Gemini Cat will allow an owner to prevail...provided the nasty experience is supplemented with loving praise and a favored treat. Physically, the Gemini Cat will always stand out as the cat with two heads...an optical illusion which arises from the ceaselessly agile movements and restless gestures. A highly-strung, hyperactive soul, this feline will possess small features and brightly-eager eyes that are constantly on the move. The Gemini Cat is sleek and long-limbed, possessed with probably the most acute eyesight of its species. The actions of this feline will always be erratic. He or she advances in short, quick flits which stop as suddenly as they started. Then, this feline will be off at a tangent from his or her original direction. Problems often surface when this cat is expected to do something that he or she does not want to do...perhaps stay inside at night, for example. Under such circumstances, the Gemini Cat will respond by collapsing in a heap of nervous exhaustion, refusing to move and expecting to be waited on hand-and-paw until the restriction is lifted. Being exceptionally bright creatures, the Gemini Cat will soon learn how to open any cat-flap.

The Gemini Cat views the home as one glorious adventure playground created especially for his or her enjoyment. This feline will cavort endlessly, sliding down banisters and climbing up curtains, but hardly ever sits still long enough for a cuddle. It is hard to believe that just one cat could cover so much ground and create such widespread destruction in a 24-hour span as can the Gemini Cat...but he or she is only doing what comes naturally. In general, the Gemini Cat is a charmer...a true social success capable of winning over even the most fervent cat-hater. The fun-loving nature and bubbly personality of this feline makes for a thoroughly entertaining pet...provided the owner can cope with the chaos which is sure to follow in his or her wake and is prepared to provide plenty of emotional support. The ancient astrologers made Gemini the ruler of sparrows, so any owner should be prepared for this feline to drop the occasional dead offering at his or her feet.

The Gemini Cat really comes into his or her own when living with a Libra owner and the infectious happiness will be quite obvious. Though Libra is nowhere near as flippant as Gemini, these two signs will share a rather lively relationship. The second-best choice for an owner of the Gemini Cat would probably be an Aquarius native, provided water does not comes into play too often. This feline finds it easy to make friends with most animals, including dogs, and simply adores the companionship of other cats.

Scout (1/17/94):

Capricorn: The Cat Burglar

The Capricorn Cat is a serious and shy creature, rarely taking time out for fun. In addition, this feline is probably one of the most selfish Zodiac. A prudent soul from the start, the Capricorn Cat will work calmly and deliberately toward the achievement of his or her life's ambition. This feline will plod through life in a punctillious way, head turned to the skies, falling over his or her own paws. This cat is constantly working out ways to improve his or her lot, and devising schemes to eliminate the owner's shortcomings. The Capricorn Cat harbors a great desire to climb ever-higher up the ladder of social success but will never be the "life and soul of the party" type. Physically, the Capricorn Cat is difficult to recognize by appearance alone. Ugly knees are really the only obvious characteristic attributable to this feline. The fur is usually sleek and lank and the expression slightly despondent. Indeed, this feline is very much an ordinary sort of cat, unlikely to draw any laudible gasps of admiration as he or she waddles across the floor. Possessed of a strong maternal/paternal instinct, the Capricorn Cat will view all the world's inhabitants as his or her "children." This feline often enjoys doing things that are out of the ordinary, such as sleeping in the bathtub on hot days or drinking water directly from the faucet. The Capricorn Cat is frequently frightened by things that do not normally bother other cats...shadows on the wall, the dark or high places, for example. In fact, it is likely that this feline feels most secure when sleeping under the bed or tucked behind shoes in a closet.

The Capricorn Cat prefers city life to country living. This feline is ideally suited for the position of Chief Mouser at the Town Hall, where hours could be whiled away playing with red tape. In the beginning, the Capricorn kitten appears to be fitting-in quickly. He or she will be house-trained almost overnight and may only once make the mistake of jumping onto the kitchen table. Later, however, it will become apparent that this feline has trained the family to live his or her own way...doing what he or she wants to do, when he or she wants to do it. Many stray cats seem to be governed by the Sign of Capricorn and such kittens are often abandoned when they are very young...luckily, they appear to adapt quite well to a life in the wild. Personal interaction is important to the Capricorn Cat. This feline's instinctive understanding of human frailty means that he or she will be more than generous in overlooking an owner's shortcomings...perceiving them as trials that this feline is obliged to bear in order to help him or her along the road to success. Constantly hopeful of improving the personal standard of living, however, there is always a strong chance that this cat will move out of his or her present home in order to assume residence in a more affluent household.

Natives of Virgo tend to be the most responsive to the Capricorn Cat. Virgo subjects are generous enough to accept this feline's teachings, as well as being down-to-earth enough to realize when the Capricorn Cat is rising above his or her station. Natives of Libra and Taurus may also find harmony with the Capricorn Cat, but this feline is liable to drive any Sagittarius native to total distraction.

From Cat Astrology

Mama is a Pisces. Gram is Virgo. But they gets human horoscopes, not cat ones. Duh.

HELP US!! We don't know what sign Simone is! She's so new (well, to us), that we haven't decided when her purrthday should be. What sign do you think she is? Mama thinks maybe a Libra.